Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about the most random things. Things that I had not thought about in years. Last night, I was recalling the first time I ever attended an all-adult bible study group. I was either 19 or 20 years old, and one of my old friends invited me to attend with her and her mom. I remember feeling really out of place, a kid living in an adult's body. "I shouldn't be here" is the thought that kept running through my head.
The funny thing is, that's about all I remember about the experience. It must not have been that bad if I can't remember anything else! Retrospectively thinking about how I could have gained respect as an adult at the time, I thought about the things I could have said or the ideas I could have shared with that group. After all, I had at least one year of biblical classes under my belt.
Where I ended up was unexpected.
I should have not said a single word aside from the pleasantries of greetings.
Not what you were expecting, was it? This is actually a derivative of a piece of advice I overheard when I was a senior in undergrad. It was an exchange between one of my favorite business professors, Eric Teoro, was advising a Preaching major intern (yes, that's a real major) on what he should do post-undergrad. As you'd expect, this intern was seeking a pastoral position in a church, so here's the advice Teoro gave (not verbatim):
I think this advice is applicable for any situation, really. It doesn't necessarily have to be a full year, per Teoro's suggestion, but at the beginning of any new involvement with anything, focus on building relationships to foster trust and respect. Just like the title of this post suggests, it's a slow burn earn.
Back to my original example. I mentioned that I could have began the road of respect and trust by being silent aside from being naturally friendly to folks. If I wanted to share my ideas with the folks in that group, I probably wouldn't do so until after attending the group after five, six, or even seven times.
You won't earn respect and trust on day one. Period. And that's okay because we don't want people to be naive enough to hand their respect and trust out to everybody like they're handing out Tic Tacs. We don't live in a perfect world, and frankly, there are definitely people out there that shouldn't be trusted. Respect and trust guide us to guard ourselves from people who lead us into bad things. So it makes good sense that respect and trust are earned over time.
The funny thing is, that's about all I remember about the experience. It must not have been that bad if I can't remember anything else! Retrospectively thinking about how I could have gained respect as an adult at the time, I thought about the things I could have said or the ideas I could have shared with that group. After all, I had at least one year of biblical classes under my belt.
Where I ended up was unexpected.
I should have not said a single word aside from the pleasantries of greetings.
Not what you were expecting, was it? This is actually a derivative of a piece of advice I overheard when I was a senior in undergrad. It was an exchange between one of my favorite business professors, Eric Teoro, was advising a Preaching major intern (yes, that's a real major) on what he should do post-undergrad. As you'd expect, this intern was seeking a pastoral position in a church, so here's the advice Teoro gave (not verbatim):
"For the first year of your ministry within a church, do not try to change anything. Go with the flow and focus on building relationships with people. After the year, I can pretty well guarantee you that you will have a much easier time instigating change."
I think this advice is applicable for any situation, really. It doesn't necessarily have to be a full year, per Teoro's suggestion, but at the beginning of any new involvement with anything, focus on building relationships to foster trust and respect. Just like the title of this post suggests, it's a slow burn earn.
Back to my original example. I mentioned that I could have began the road of respect and trust by being silent aside from being naturally friendly to folks. If I wanted to share my ideas with the folks in that group, I probably wouldn't do so until after attending the group after five, six, or even seven times.
You won't earn respect and trust on day one. Period. And that's okay because we don't want people to be naive enough to hand their respect and trust out to everybody like they're handing out Tic Tacs. We don't live in a perfect world, and frankly, there are definitely people out there that shouldn't be trusted. Respect and trust guide us to guard ourselves from people who lead us into bad things. So it makes good sense that respect and trust are earned over time.
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