Be Mindful of Invisible Scripts

Whether we like it or not, assumptions pretty much drive our lives. We learn to live not because we have analyzed a certain matter thoroughly. Rather, much of what we know today was ingrained in us in our adolescent development.

Some of these are more obvious. Take going to college, for example. When I graduated from high school, something like 90% of my graduating class planned on pursuing some sort of college education. Even if my parents didn't encourage me to go to college (they did), it still seemed like the thing I needed to do.

But some things aren't so obvious. There are subtle things people do and say that guide our choices in a way we are oblivious to.

In an interview I recently listened to with advisor and entrepreneur Ramit Sethi, he brought up this exact notion. His way of illustrating this idea was to talk about home ownership. Most people aren't going to tell you that owning a home is the end all, be all, but there are subtle things people says and do that reinforce this idea. Moreover, these same people may unintentionally be doing these things.

Returning to the home ownership example, Sethi notes a possible interaction between one person and a second party, probably a friend or family member. If you already own a home, thar second party may say something like, "Wow, you own this home?" Let's paint the picture further with some extra context. That same second party may give off nonverbal cues of positive reinforcement. Things like raising their eyebrows, changing the inflection of their voice, and nodding reassuringly.

Without ever directly saying "Home ownership is great," this second party has already made this idea abundantly clear via indirect quotes and nonverbal cues.

Sethi refers to these as the invisible scripts that guide our lives. Think about all the things that you have done but weren't explicitly told to do so.

Why do you own two cars?

Why do you work in your current job?

Why do you (or don't you) have kids?

Why do you wear the clothes you wear?

Ask yourselves these questions to dig at the heart of why you do what you do. You might find that you're truly happy with your choices. For me, I was guided by the invisible script that I need to have kids, and this is not a choice at all that I regret.

But if you find your life is miserable, you may find that a particular idea originated as the result of an invisible script. Maybe you hate working in your job because it's located in the same town you grew up in, and the invisible script is telling you you can never leave. It could literally be anything.

Don't be afraid to ask the question, "Why?" Be mindful of these invisible scripts. You may find yourself making different decisions that take your life in a new, better direction.

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